In his book, Your Marriage God’s Way, Pastor LaPierre examines the principles for building a biblical marriage. “I am passionate about this area of Scripture and life. God designed the family as the primary unit for every other segment in society, including the church. Marriage is the heart of the family. God knows what couples need so they can experience healthy, joyful, Christ-centered relationships, and He provided the principles in the Bible.”
In an introspective interview with VBD Magazine, Pastor LaPierre shares his love story, the keys to building a successful marriage, the kinds of boundaries that will protect a marriage, and practical things that couples should do to prepare for marriage. We know you’ll enjoy our discussion as much as we did.
VBD: Tell us a bit about your love story.
PASTOR LAPIERRE: Katie is my best friend. We grew up together in McArthur, California, and went to high school together. Neither of us were Christians at the time.
Ten years after graduation, Katie and I reconnected. We both found out the other had become a Christian, and soon we started talking regularly. At the time Katie was in our hometown while I was teaching in Lemoore, California. Katie moved to be near me, living with our premarital counselors, Pat and Kathy Mundy, until we got married in 2005. I couldn’t ask for a better wife to serve alongside me in ministry.
VBD: How does religious views impact a marriage?
PASTOR LAPIERRE: Our religious views strongly impact our marriage. This is why the Bible forbids us to be unequally yoked. In other words, a couple must be spiritually and doctrinally compatible, because of the considerable impact on their marriage.
VBD: What was the best piece of relationship advice you were given?
PASTOR LAPIERRE: Read books about marriage and attend marriage conferences. My advice to couples would be the same, especially if the couple is thinking about getting married. Also, seek counsel from their parents and other mature believers who they trust.
VBD: What practical things should couples be prepared for in marriage?
PASTOR LAPIERRE: They should be prepared for the trials and struggles that will come. Challenges come in different forms—conflict between the husband and wife, difficulties with children, financial issues, or health problems. A strong marriage allows two people to weather these storms.
VBD: What are some ways to strengthen a marriage?
PASTOR LAPIERRE: Here are some sure-fire ways:
- Focus on Christ and living for Him.
- Spend time together engaging in activities.
- Share your hearts and dreams with each other.
- Strive to serve each other and put your spouse ahead of yourself.
- Pray and read the Bible together.
- Set boundaries that protect your marriage.
- Pursue physical intimacy.
- Remember what Christ has done for you so that you are more likely to forgive and be gracious toward your spouse. Bitterness and resentment can ruin marriages.
VBD: What kinds of boundaries protect a marriage?
PASTOR LAPIERRE: There must be boundaries in time and relationships. With time, husbands and wives must make time for each other. Remove other things from your lives, whether work or hobbies, that would prevent you from spending quality time together. With relationships, husbands can be friends with other women, and wives can be friends with other men, but they shouldn’t be alone together, engage in intimate conversations, or spend too much time together.
VBD: How important is physical connection in a marriage?
PASTOR LAPIERRE: It is very important. God has an entire book of the Bible, the Song of Solomon, committed to the physical side of the relationship. In 1 Corinthians 7, God commands husbands and wives to recognize their bodies belong to their spouse and they should strive to please each other.
VBD: What is the best way to deal with conflict in a relationship?
PASTOR LAPIERRE: Strive to focus on your own weaknesses and shortcomings versus your spouse’s. Keep a short account. Try to listen to what the other person is saying versus just waiting for an opportunity to talk. Most importantly, when you recognize you have done something wrong say, “I am sorry for…will you please forgive me?” Do not include the word “but” as it destroys apologies.
VBD: How do you successfully practice work-life balance?
PASTOR LAPIERRE: Honestly, I struggle in this area and the way I am trying to improve is by letting my wife tell me when I am working too much, and I need to make more time for her and the children. If I don’t do this, I could work from the time I get up to the time I go to bed and neglect my family. I am ashamed to say that, but it is true. I appreciate my wife for being honest with me and helping me grow in this area.
